WTF Christmas

see more Lolcats and funny pictures


I've been sick. I haven't gone shopping in a crowd. I haven't eaten until I thought I was going to explode.

I think this means its not Christmas?

This Girl Loves The Collage

Facebook status collage, that is.

More oversharing:



Similar, of course, to my tweet cloud.

The one that makes me happiest? When I got unofficially offered the job I have now, I went home and updated my status to, "ZOMG HIRED?!?!?!??!?"

Something to think about: Period

I hadn't really thought about this before. Really. I assumed... that there was some solution in poor countries that didn't have to include the Tampax brand.

I can officially acknowledge that I have been spoiled rotten.

[From When Menstruation Means Inequality at the HuffPo]

The one where I intellectualize our Tiger Woods obsession

[photo from buzzfeed]

I tend to over intellectualize things that I know are not the awesomest. Like Medium; I say I enjoy this show because it is a good portrayal of a working mother in a loving and sometimes complicated relationship with her husband. Or Grey's Anatomy for its awesome diverse cast of characters (and not just skin deep diversity, but diversity of backgrounds).

Which brings me to Tiger Woods. I've seen him play on television occasionally (in between naps). I don't watch golf voluntarily, I don't find it particularly exciting, and while I can appreciate his talent, I generally don't care that much about him.

Which I assume is what most people felt. We admire his hard work and talent, but unless we enjoy golf... that's where our thoughts about him stopped.

Until we found out that he slept with about 100 cocktail waitresses and porn stars (I haven't been keeping count after 3). Suddenly the Huffington Post has a page periodically updated with mistress photos and videos. Commentators offer their opinions on cable networks. The late night comedians have a field month.

Why? Two reasons:

1. Tiger was too good to be true, and now we have proof. Classic fall from grace. He's talented, he has a pretty wife, he's got beautiful children, and he's rich. We love this fall from grace. No one can be that great -- if only so they don't make us feel bad about not being so great. We love this so much: "Yeah, he has talent, but he can't keep his personal life straight!"

2. We are natural voyeurs (this is, unfortunately, the reason that reality television exists). We're all peeping toms, just a little bit, but instead of peeking into his windows we're thumbing through the tabloids and online. We are naturally curious about the lives of others. Its instinct; its how we learn how to live our own lives, from the trial and error of others.

For my part? I know way more about this than I should. My RSS reader gets the Full Feed from Huffington Post which gives me the up to date info as soon as it happens. (I need to rethink the HuffPo, because they are the reason I know about OctoMom). And I have to admit, the illustration above is awesome. And without the constant coverage seeping into my brain, I wouldn't find it funny.

So feel better if you think you know too much about Tiger Wood's bedroom. Its just your natural voyeurism kicking in.

I break my vows on Sarah Palin to bring you this E-Card

My apologies, but this is spot on. I might stay mum on the topic of Sarah Palin and her crazy, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't still annoy me.

[And now, back to my scheduled silence on all things Sarah Palin]

[some ecards]

What do YOU Tweet about?

A lot of this is because I have my Hype Machine account connected to my twitter account, so all the times I "loved" songs shows up in there.

Words Most Used:

* loved
* cover
* google
* getting
* reader
* life
* sara
* tegan
* word
* looks
* maybe
* excellent
* breakfast
* poor
* love
* time
* cream
* metro
* sick
* people
* count
* following
* yeah
* pressure
* read
* brie
* lunch
* expect
* feel
* interwebs
* youll
* exciting
* absolutely
* free
* apparently
* week
* pretty
* morning
* picture
* hurricane
* computer
* thermals
* sense
* girl
* pulled
* woman
* chili
* buying
* folders
* fire
* worst
* lack
* cheese
* five
* lady
* spring
* silver
* block
* killers
* facebook

Get your own tweet cloud.

Blur Documentary! "No Distance Left to Run"

I don't see any IMDB information on it yet, so who knows when its coming to America. It'll be released in January 2010 in the UK.

You can read their official statement and watch the trailer their as well.

Time To Give Thanks That You Only Have To See These People A Few Times A Year

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Some E-Cards]

Marry Me So I Can Have Health Insurance!

Skipping over Christmas into Valentine's Day? This might be the perfect Valentine for the person you are with for the health insurance.

[For sale on Etsy, brought to my attention by The Frisky]

Only in America could you hurry along your relationship for the want of health care.

The Cat Voice

In my family, we have a cat. And there is a certain voice that everyone uses when they are talking for him. Soak that in. We aren't talking to him. We're talking for him, and its sometimes about what idiots we are.

"Uh, you guys? Uhh-huh, you look stupid we're that."

There's a lot of "Uhhh. Huh-Huh," in these impersonations. But otherwise, the cat has perfect grammar.

Enter the LOLcat. For some reason, various members of my family don't understand this phenomena. Even though they've been doing a real life LOL variant. The cat calls us stupid, says he only cares about birds, and asks if he can sit next to us.


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

LOLcats is just us doing our collective cat voice. Cats think we are stupid, but they also think that dogs, rabbits, and other cats are stupid.

Cat owners have taken over a section of the internet. Not cats; our vision of how cats are.

And maybe a little bit our vision of ourselves. After all, we feed, house, and comfort animals that have little regard. Who has the better deal; the cat who sleeps all day, has his food handed to him and doesn't have to do any work, or the "hoomin" who goes out 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, to work for both food and shelter for themselves and the free rider.

When you put it that way...hoomins are pretty dumb.

NaNoWriMo: this scene plays into the novel for at least 1000 words

Yeah, I know. For some reason, this stuck with me.

Even though during my last NaNoWriMo I had already seen this. For some reason, it comes up now. (And I'm about 4000 words behind. Ack)

Best. Advertisement. Ever?

I'm not a big fan of Paris Hilton (or her face) but this was clearly brilliant. Of course her people are trying to get them taken down.

[From Here]

National Novel Writing Month [Its That Time Of Year Again]

I wrote a ton about this last year, mostly because I had the time to both keep up with a blog and write a partially crappy novel.

With the full time job, though, neither of these things has been done properly. Although I'm succeeding partially at NanoWriMo, keeping right on pace. So that's going okay, but mostly because I'm getting a good thousand words in during my lunch breaks.

In other NaNo news, someone is apparently writing a comic strip while participating:

[EDIT: OMG for some reason the format was off. The cute comic and others like it can be found at the web address below. I can't figure out why its broken, I have a word count to catch up on!]

[Found here]

Apparently she's also created a hashtag for those behind in their word counts, called #nanopanic. Pretty awesome.

And now back to writing.

Facebook now catering to my nostalgia

In case you can't read it, it says, "Re-live the good old days, come and check out the video to Blur's classic tune, "Girls and Boys". We all know it's awesome!"

Wow. Facebook is now a little eerie in its accuracy. Thanks....I think. I wonder who paid for that advertisement, and what they expect out of it. Me watching the video doesn't do anything monetary for anybody. Are they prepping their U.S. audience for a (possible) tour and want to refresh fans memory?

[Want to watch it? Go ahead. Click here.]

Frak It Friday: In which I forgive Brandon Flowers

There's a problem with Brandon Flowers, and its that he's epic. "All These Things I've Done" is epicly good. But when he fails to be epicly good, he becomes epicly bad, something that is hard on the ears.

[Here is where you think of the words, "Are we human? Or are we dancer?" and groan. Truly awful. Here are my original thoughts, like, eleven months ago.]

But today, on the train while doing the Samurai Sudoku, I forgave him. Specifically because of the song "Dustland Fairytales".



It is epicly good. Hopefully this continues.

[The video out-epics the song! Truly astounding. Thousands of years from now, they'll think of Brandon Flowers the way we think of Homer. Maybe.]

Lego Blur Rock Band

Just in case you wondered what the boys of Blur would look like if they were Legos:



This is a thing that people are about to buy.

[Push]

Its not news of a U.S. reunion tour...but its something.

My Least Fave Facebook Ad [Paranoid (Ex)Girlfriends]

So, at some point in the past, Facebook decided to go with ads that were targeted to the person viewing them.

Which, I kind of understand. Except that I've been getting this ad:



Facebook thinks that I'm a super jealous girlfriend who needs to confirm her paranoia. Excellent.

Thanks, Facebook!

Fiction Ain't Shit

[The following post has spoilers for both Inglourious Basterds and Atonement. Like you were interested in seeing either of them.]

Spring 2007 I sat down to watch a movie called Atonement. It was a lovely Sunday night and I had just gotten off work.

[Full disclosure: I worked at a Blockbuster Video and got to watch it for free. This situation could have been much, much worse]



Two and a halfish hours later, I was in a state of despair. Two people [Cecilia played by skinny girl Keira Knightley] and Robbie Turner get their lives completely ruined a false accusation of rape. Robbie gets carted off to jail. Cecilia pines and cuts herself off from her family -- her sister is the one who made the accusation.

Things suck. A lot. For a longass time. But at the end, the sisters reconcile and Robbie and Cecilia live by the coast together.

Except: this ending is a fictional one, the atonement for the false accusation years ago by the younger sister. If they couldn't be together in real life, at least they could be together in this novel the younger sister wrote like sixty years later, right?

Wrong. Cold comfort. You think that just because in fiction they get to be together forever, that makes any bit of difference? You think that just because in fiction you reconciled with your sister that you are somehow closer to her in her death?

[Yeah, I get that Atonement is completely fiction. But within the universe, this is the situation]

It bothered me. I've seen the movie again and read the book, but the same things bother me about it. Like, who could think that this was honoring anyone? Would the two people's lives who were ruined be happy that you made everything happy fictionally?

[Twoish years later]

I saw Inglourious Basterds. And it was basically the same premise.

You think just because you depict Adolf Hitler being tortured and killed, being scared of the "Bear Jew" that makes any difference to real life? That anyone really feels better about all the deaths he directly and indirectly caused?



Sure, it might be nice to briefly inhabit a land where revenge (cosmic or otherwise) is exacted on the Nazis, the most perfect movie villian of all time. But -- just like Atonement's false happy ending -- its a cold comfort. World War II doesn't end with that kind of justice.

[Turns out the skull that was thought to be Hitler's belongs to a woman]

I left the theater both disgusted by the films climactic scene -- torture is still torture, even if its done to Nazis -- and empty. No amount of film fantasy or fictional happy endings is going to change what happened. Fiction doesn't make up for anything. Not even a little bit. Its like getting a wet blanket to keep yourself warm with.

[Or fiction ain't shit]

The Attack of the Lawnmower!

[The good stuff in the video starts at the 1:45 mark. From the episode of Mad Men "Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency"]

You know how when you were a kid, people would well meaningly tell you about dangerous household items in hopes that you would take care around them?

I was afraid of lawn mowers when I was six because a guest to the classroom told us a story of a little kid getting their foot chopped off by one. The child was running behind it.

I was frightened of the deep freezer, because I was told that if you let it close on you, you would suffocate. Anytime I got anything out of the deep freezer, before I would let the door close I would run to the opposite side of the room. You know, to prevent me somehow getting sucked into it.

I refused to swim when my parents weren't home because I might drown. They themselves warned me of this, and to this day refuse to believe I didn't once take a dip while they were at work while I was stuck home, alone, with no air conditioning. [Not to digress, or anything]

And the above video? I guess it was the sixties, so no one warned them as children that lawnmowers are DANGEROUS DANGEROUS RUN AWAY!!!! [unless you are the one on it, of course] That is the moral of the above video.

Oh man, reading is the best!

[From Book Blogger Appreciation Week. Which has since totally past. But I love thinking about the way I read.]

Do you snack while you read? If so, favorite reading snack? Primarily right now I read while eating lunch. Usually a sandwich.

Do you tend to mark your books as you read, or does the idea of writing in books horrify you? Most of the books I read are library books, so I don't write in those. I'm reading for a science fiction book club right now, so I underline passages I like or want to talk about.

How do you keep your place while reading a book? Bookmark? Dog-ears? Laying the book flat open? Usually I hold the book open with one hand or I lay hardbacks on a table.

Fiction, Non-fiction, or both? Mostly fiction, sometimes a little nonfiction if its recommended.

Hard copy or audiobooks? I hate audio books. Mostly because I can read faster than they talk so I get impatient.

Are you a person who tends to read to the end of chapters, or are you able to put a book down at any point? I try to wait until chapters, but sometimes I get too sleepy.

If you come across an unfamiliar word, do you stop to look it up right away? Nope, I usually just move on.

What are you currently reading? Biting The Sun by Tanith Lee for science fiction book club.

What is the last book you bought? Same book as above, since the DC public library didn't carry it.

Are you the type of person that only reads one book at a time or can you read more than one at a time? Sometimes I start more than one when I'm bored, but I try to stick to one at a time.

Do you have a favorite time of day and/or place to read? I like to read at lunch and on the metro.

Do you prefer series books or stand-alone books? Anything that's well written. And if a series stays well written, I'll keep reading it. (I'm looking at you, Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins.)

Is there a specific book or author that you find yourself recommending over and over? The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

How do you organize your books? (By genre, title, author’s last name, etc.?) At my parents house, they're organized by which books would be friends with each other (i.e. High Fidelity goes next to Bridget Jones which goes next to Size 12 Is Not Fat) but right now in my apartment, they're in random order. Its glorious.

What's so American about competition?

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Yeah. I'd do anything for Jon Hamm. Or, you know, a public option.

Kanye Will Let You Finish

An internet meme is born.

[imaletyoufinish]

This Post Is Not Yet Rated

I totally wrote a paper about this second semester of freshman year! This whole self-censorship of the movies irks my fave Roger Ebert so much that he writes about it and talks about it all the times.

The MPAA is so secretive and doesn't disclose any guidelines about their rating process or any of its members. The film hires private investigaters to figure this business. Excellent. Turning the investigation of the MPAA into a Veronica Mars like sleuthing adventure!

Frak it Friday: Kiss With A Fist

Dan's new fave song, I think

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

I finished the sequel to the Hunger Games last week. Its hard to tell if I like it so much because I love the universe and the characters so much, or if it was able to carry the torch of the last one. I loved every second of reading it though. Every. Single. Second. Even when it was suspenseful, I was filled with absolute glee.

Because the story keeps going! More shit happens! Book three comes out....in a couple of years!

Modern Art

Originally from here, via Alais on Facebook.

Frak it Friday: Cat Explains Healthcare

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The Best Part of Oasis Just Left...

He said on Oasis.net that "It's with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight," he wrote. "People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer."

I'm always shocked when people work with family.* And the Gallagher brothers have never been on the best of terms. Even so, this doesn't feel like it'll stick. After all, what's he gonna do, go solo? Or just sit around with his piles of money?



*(Even P.C. Cast and her daughter Kristen in the House of Night series! You are mother and daughter! This is akin to cats and dogs! You should be fighting about creative control! Exclamation point!)

Season 3 of Man Men Debuts today!

Now, if only I had AMC in order to watch it...

[Some E-Cards]

Cherry Dr Pepper

Just bought a case of this, and man, even though its not catchy the phrase "amazingly smooth" (printed just above the logo) is apt.

I mean, wow. The Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper never did it for me, but this, this is excellent.

Frak it Friday: Apologies to Arcade Fire

Dear Arcade Fire,

I forgot that Antichrist Television Blues was my favorite song until it came up on shuffle yesterday morning.

Forgive me?

Love,
Celia

Frak it Friday: MoveOn.org Takes Advantage of Shark Week

Its kind of cute.

(From here.)

Barack Obama, born in the USA...

...as a cylon...

Obama Debunks Birther Conspiracy - watch more funny videos

Ben Gibbard and Colin Meloy cover Blur's "End of a Century"

The video's from 2006 so I'm very behind on this, but I had no idea this existed out there in the big great world. A cold comfort when Blur themselves have no plans to do anything else after their tour.

Advanced Reader Copy: The White Queen by Philippa Gregory

I received this in the mail yesterday! I have a few days off from work and will hopefully be done with it by Saturday.

I'm extremely excited to have this opportunity from Living Social.

Supreme Court Confirmations ain't what they used to be...

It isn't the most boring stuff on C-Span, but there are only so many times I can care about the "wise Latina" remark.

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

I went into this book knowing that it was going to be a novel about suicide for teens.

Its not that I don't understand that life can be painful (especially during your teenage years) or that some people have problems dealing with things. I just got totally annoyed by the girl who committed suicide.

She commits suicide before the book begins. Our narrator, Clay Jensen, receives them in the mail and gets to go on a emotional roller coaster ride (with a punch in the face every thirty seconds). On the tapes, the suicide girl, Hannah Baker, says there are thirteen reasons/people why she is not among the living anymore.

And really, it all seemed like normal high school stuff. Getting put on mean lists, being sexually harassed, feeling like you weren't noticed...that's what high school is?

And the last person on the list has to go through this test, this test to see if he will answer her cry for help. She whispers into the tape recorder that this is the last chance for someone to save her. If this guidance counselor takes her seriously, she'll not do it. Only this guy? He's not really a guidance counselor. He's the English teacher filling in.

Bah. She makes it so difficult for anyone to help her, for anyone to reach through. Its frustrating as well, because at the end of the book? She's still dead. There's no adequate conclusion. And these tapes? They are torture. She is placing the blame squarely on these thirteen people. It is your fault I killed myself, she tells them, over and over and over.

I was thinking about how frustrated I was when Oasis's Don't Look Back In Anger came up on my random iPod shuffle.



Chill out about high school. And for God's sake, don't posthumously lash out.

Mortal Friends On Sale Already!...and other thoughts on quitting my part time bookstore position

I didn't realize this was on sale already! I read an Advance Reader Copy way back in February. I was in Barnes and Noble and picked it up. Now that I've quit the bookstore I won't know about things like that anymore. Or get advanced reader copies.

The last perk I got was this:



A handy little book to have around, more detailed than the Zagat restaurant guide. Even so, I can't imagine not using the internet in conjunction with the guide. If I'm going to put so much thought into find a place to eat that I'm looking through a book, I'm also going to double check with Google.

Frak it Friday: La Roux's Armour Love (my new fave song!)

Seriously listening to this over and over again. And also have the day off, so this may or may not be it for the day!

[Note: changed the outline of the blog because, ugh, posting pictures and videos is my life, and the old outline was too small. No big deal.]

Temping is apparently kinda like casual sex

...or at least that's how you should approach it.

[Via my new favorite website, The Frisky]

SNL Skit: Annuale

Every time I see those Seasonale ads in the women's magazines, I cringe a little. Four times a year? Really?

(Its also nice to see Tina Fey!)

Working retail will ruin you

I've quit my retail job and once more, I am left hoping that I have left that world for good. Because retail ruins you.

The company treats you like shit. They pay you very little and are paranoid that you're either committing time clock fraud, stealing merchandise, or stealing cash from the register.

If you are sick, you might as well come into work because you will get written up if no one covers your shift. Tough luck, its only excused if you have a doctors note. And the corporation doesn't insure you.

They will hear how many hours you want to work and over/under schedule you by at least ten.

My desk job encourages those who are sick to stay home. No one freaks out if you aren't working every second or go to the bathroom. And its nice. I could get used to it.

Happy Gay Pride!

[someecards]

Surviving the Digital TV Transfer

I think most of us made it through the transfer. I mean, it is kind of a mind fuck: the idea that more than a million people who have televisions plus antennas may have been left without a service that they had the day before? A service that warned them of service weather and emergency situations, as well as provided (usually sub par) entertainment?

But congratulations, America. Most of us made it. It's only the technophobes that got left out of the loop. And who cares about them, anyway?

Home Sweet Home

see more Political Pictures

Thanks, Pundit Kitchen!

What do you do if you're fave chain is Republican?

Okay. I like eating at sit down chain restaurants. I am a sucker for appetizers and they are more likely to carry Dr Pepper than some independent place.

There are conflicting reports on whether or not Olive Garden has pulled its ad spots from David Letterman in solidarity with Sarah Palin.



The fantastic eatery is denying it. I hope they hate Sarah Palin as much as I do. And I don't really want to get into the nonsense of the joke was blah blah blah blah blah. Look, we need to just ignore her, okay?

THIS MEANS YOU, OLIVE GARDEN. YOU SHALL STAY MY NON-PARTISAN TREAT FOR YEARS TO COME. DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THAT CRAZY LOON, JUST BECAUSE SHE CHOSE YOUR EATERY, LIKE, ONCE.

Got it?

CNN stil crazy sucks

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Irandecision 2009 - CNN's Unverified Material
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Hey, at least they're saying something, right? Hopefully they'll start sticking that "unverified" tag on all their bullshit iReports, too.

OMG Blur onstage together is so beautiful!

I've been a little behind on all the concert footage coming out, but this stuff makes me really happy. Even though they're in another country touring, its still good to see them. And its good to hear that they still sound awesome!

[Coffee and TV via Stereogum]

Its also good to see that Think Tank hasn't completely gone by the wayside, with a performance of Out of Time:



[Out of Time via Victorian Horror]

And isn't it nice to hear the audience sing along with it?

OMG CNN Please stop filling my head with redundant info!

CNN has been catching flack for talking about Palin vs Letterman June '09 rather than the Iran election and subsequent violence.

Above is another piece of non-news. It isn't even news like Dick Cheney coming out in favor of gay marriage in a total flip flop. Republicans coming out in favor of gay marriage is very near to news.

But Melissa Ethridge in favor of pot legalization? Who didn't think she was for this? Who looks at that headline and says, "WHAAAAT? I have to read that!"

'Cause we know this. Pop culture inferences tell us this. We don't need this news, especially from you. You are supposed to be news. Or whatever. You are supposed to fill my head with some kind of knowledge, not shit I already know.

Jealousy: I haz it

moar funny pictures

Kicking around story ideas in my head for the past two months (!!!!) has been a little exhausting. I have two word processing documents that start two stories. Each document is about a page long.

One features an awesome dog named Lucy. The other has a motorcycle. I want to write you both. I really do, but I work 45 hours a week. The blog, which takes half an hour a day (tops..mostly maybe ten minutes) has suffered.

All of this happened and I get word (via twitter and her website) that Marissa from The Anti DC that she has quit her part time sex shop peddling to focus on fiction.

THE JEALOUSY! IT BURNS!

Although if we all think about it, I will likely spend one hour a day (tops) writing and approximately six hours watching telly and playing videos games and three catching up on the google reader.

I get that if I want to write, I should probably write for an hour sometime after I get home from work and sometime before I go to sleep. There's about four quality hours that somehow get lost between dinner, television, and reading. I get that most full time bloggers supporting themselves with their writing first were working a full time job plus their full time blogging before they were able to switch. I get it.

I just don't know where they get the time.

Blur's Midlife Medley

Popscene was made to merge into Song 2. Its nice to see PR going on for Blur, but buying the newer best of seems silly as I already have every Blur song, like ever.

The video is nice to watch still. And I know the song isn't exciting, but No Distance Left To Run? Is that song just not good anymore to them?

[via Victorian Horror/Facebook/Blur marketing campaign]

OMG Mad Men. New. In August.

ACK! There was a point when it felt like there would never be a a new Madmen, ever ever ever. In fact, I was nearly complacent with seeing Jon Hamm on 30 Rock. And while there's not really anything new in the clip, its still great: shit is going to go down this season.

That clip is way more exciting than the new Twilight movie.

[From Basket of Kisses, one of the two Mad Men crazy blogs I follow]

Dr Pepper Ads make me feel better...

Twitter: Just Another Way To Get Porn Spammed

Really, though? Aren't we all sick of seeing too much of Britney Spears? There isn't a better spamming option out there?

The Sims 3: I Want You

Yeah. It's been four years since I've played the Sims, but oh, how we had great times together.

RE: Your decision to honk your horn

The car horn is a bewildering thing. In this world of fine-tuned, direct, and instant communication, it gets everyone's attention, not just the person you want.

It is really, really loud.

Last night there was a wedding just letting out next to my apartment building while I was walking home from work. I have no feelings about this until a random delivery truck honks it horn (in celebration?) as I'm walking past.

I scream and jump about a mile in the air. Big truck horns are louder than normal horns (for safety reasons?) and are usually unnecessary. Its noise.

Horns are always (always!) irritating. I know, you want to get the attention of your friend across the street, you need to let the asshole in front of you know you're pissed, or you're waiting outside someone's building and are tired of waiting. You believe the horn is the best way to do this.

I'm here to tell you: call the cell phone of the person you see. Let go of the fact that jerk just cut you off. The horn, while it relieves whatever you are feeling, spikes a feeling of complete and utter irritation in everyone around you.

Example: in the parking lot next to my apartment, there are very few spaces to park. It is a small parking lot. Someone had arrived in the middle of the night and parked in the middle of the the parking lot, blocking cars on both sides from easily getting out.

It is five in the morning when a woman begins honking her horn in frustration at this vehicle. Yes: at five in the morning, this woman was trying to leave and while having trouble getting out of the lot, she repeatedly honked her horn. Not just little beep beeps!, but long, ugly beeeeeeeeeeeps. I know you are frustrated. You are blocked in through no fault of your own.

But now? I'm frustrated at you. I was sleeping. And you are being just as infuriating as the illegally parked car.

DC must be the capital of the frustrated honk. Look, traffic is bad in DC, and I know you're angry that it isn't moving as fast as you'd like. Honking your horn isn't going to change much of anything. Seriously. You just spread your irritation to everyone around you like the rage virus.

Even short beep beeps! are weird. I see a flash of your car and my mind twists around, trying to figure out if I know you, if I'm in your way, or if you are also confused as to who I am -- thinking I am someone else, you honked to say hi.

Honking your horn is loud and ambiguous at the same time. Unless someone's life is danger, please stop it.

Frak it Friday: The Thermals - Now We Can See

New favorite song! And for a "lets just sit around and play music" video, its kinda cute.

On my blogging hiatus, I started reloving The Decemberists

Like, a lot. The Hazards of Love played on my iPod constantly. Like, I might've air guitared in the elevator at work to the above song. More than once.

Above is The Decemberists playing one of the best songs from the album on Jay Leno. The girl from My Brightest Diamond has the biggest voice I've ever heard.

The reason postal workers are insane

There is a phenomena that I was previously unaware of before I began taking jobs entering data. I was blissfully unaware until one day, a colleague pointed it out to me.

There is a group of people who don't know that letters are not numbers.

Yes. It is a fact.

You see, when I enter my apartment number, I just merely state that it is APT 346. Or some people who don't have an apartment number but merely have a suite number or floor number or house number...you get the idea. Occasionally, rather than denoting what time of space it is, the person will get lazy and write "#99" or something similar.

But there is a section of housing, out there in the world, that doesn't exist with numbers. Things are lettered, instead. Like Apt B, Suite D...and so on.

Which is fine. Mostly. Except this leads people to write this as their address:

385 Made Up Street #B

Seriously. When you say it out loud, you say, "Number B" which isn't a thing. It is a letter. Big Bird will tell you that.

You shouldn't think too long on this. Because, after all, this means that the people who do this probably write that they live at #B every time they write their address out. Like they don't realize that what they are writing isn't a thing. Ever.

(NOTE: I do realize that sometimes letters are used in mathematical equations. But they are mostly just standing in for numbers. Not part of the number. And imaginary numbers never count.)

The Slumdog Price Is Right

Watch The Slumdog Price is Right and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Parody that still contains the aww-factor of the original.

(via Videogum)

Manipulation: My Sister's Keeper

Jodi Picoult, I'm convinced, is evil. One of the most evil people in the world. She has written a plethora of books that will cause you to cry on the metro, both from depression and the sadness that you can tell this woman is manipulating you.

Take the above trailer, a movie based on the book My Sister's Keeper. A girl is conceived to be a genetic match for her sister, who needs some cells from the umbilical cord upon birth. And then later she needs blood. And bone marrow. The list goes on.

Sad, right? If this girl stops at any time, her sister dies. But it hurts her; the only reason she was put on this earth was to save her sister, and the only way to do that is to constantly have needles shoved into her skin.

So she sues for medical emancipation, despite the fact that her sister will die without a new kidney. Get ready to cry. Picoult manipulates every situation into a major tear jerker.

And its not just this book. 19 Minutes, the story of a school shooting. The Pact, the story of two teenagers in love that make a suicide pact. Change of Heart, where the murderer of a man and his daughter wants to donate his heart to the murdered girl's sister after he is executed.

You are manipulated. So much so that it no longer seems real. At the end of My Sister's Keeper, a twist occurs that made me want to throw the book across the room. "Come on!" I shouted.

Compared to the book, We Need To Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver, which is about a school shooting from the eyes of the mother, in the aftermath, in her letters to her absent husband. I cried, but didn't feel like the author had created these situations to cause me to cry. Rather, they happened to the characters.

With Jodi Picoult, you get the feeling that she dreams up terrible situations and twists them around to get the most heartache.

(With the new job, I commute 40 minutes both ways. Plus 30 minutes for lunch, I get to read a lot. But I don't really write as much as I'd like to. That includes here.)

Graham Coxon Album?

I wonder if this is the one that was never released after he got "let go" from his label...I haven't been the best Graham Coxon fan in the last twoish years. But this email was exciting! Plus the fact that I subscribed to the Blur fanmail but get Graham Solo info as well? Great.

May The Fourth Be With You

Apparently, today is Star Wars Day, or May the Fourth be with you. Excellent.

[Picture]

Blago Grafitti cropping up in Chicago

At a time Illinois wishes the bastard would just disappear, he's now turning up in reality tv, gossip pages, and your local alley.

[Chicago Tribune]

Now is the time to work at a blockbuster

That would be pretty sweet.

[Thanks Dan! & Consumerist]

Paper Heart trailer

Sometimes movies seem like they've been genetically enhanced for me to like them. My heart just says, "awwwww". I can't help it.

My dad is a Youtube Star!

My sister edited a video of my dad crossing logs with his motorcycle. My sister has gotten pretty good at this.

Open Letter To The Member of Blur:

Dear Damon, Alex, Graham, and Dave;

I'm a little frustrated with the lack of U.S. news for you guys. I know that I haven't been a fan for long, but I barely missed the boat on the U.S. tour in 2003. I have spent the last (almost) six years kicking myself, for not being on that boat sooner.

You have to come to America. Soonish. I live in a major American city (Washington, DC) and can get to many other major American cities.

I am an American, like others, who love your entire catalog. Not just a few singles I heard on MTV. A very big fan. As in I don't think that between October 2003-October 2004 I heard any music that wasn't somehow involved with Blur or its members.

And you are still my "favorite" band. And yet no U.S. plans? No peep, no acknowledgment that there are other countries besides the U.K. that love you? What do I have to do?

Love,
Celia

If only it were that easy, wise Lolcat...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I have zero time for a lot of the things I enjoy. Including writing here.

[Lolcat]

Lovely Bones & other movies I want to see

I was vaguely aware of this (The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold) becoming a movie, but apparently Mark Wahlburg is going to be in it. And Rachel Weisz. Excellent.

(Picture from here)

I'm also excited about The Time Traveler's Wife.

This shit is why I don't like walking through the park

I find the park unsettling. There are so many places that are not visible where its clear that people are having sex or doing drugs. Plus, I feel like someone will projectile vomit on me from above me while I'm trying to get to the top. Not cool.

Still on an Elsinore kick...

To supplement the concert on Sunday I've been listening to Ryan Groff/Elsinore non-stop. This includes trolling Youtube for videos and being extremely disappointed that Timid Maggie Mae was never filmed. The above is "How To Fight Loneliness" a cover of Wilco. It is excellent.

Side note: I searched "landlocked by cash crops" and my site is first. Out of four. I'm not sure if this is saying anything. Its a tiny bit exciting.

Facebook Etiquette Video

People should be required to watch this before they join facebook.

Third (and Final) Impressions: Perfect Fifths

The senryu section wasn't that bad. All in all, the rest of the book went all right. Pleasurably. Except:

There's a graphic shower scene. One that feels like it belongs more in the fan-fic of Jessica and Marcus than in one of the actual books. I was blushing. And I'm not a school girl.

Its more like my complaint about the third person and senryus: the other books weren't like this. And Jessica Darling said that writing about sex made her feel kinda skeezy, so details were few.

This is the world I had settled into. I was not prepared for a masturbatory scene in a shower. Where he "rubs the shaft of his cock" while lathering with liquid soap. Its not like I don't read sex scenes frequently in books; I just wasn't ready for this one. Despite the fact that its one of the 10 Things You Need To Know About Perfect Fifths. The warning "Four Words: Marcus Flutie shower scene" were not enough.

I did like how Marcus did acknowledge Jessica's judginess. This wasn't something I had noticed when I first read Sloppy Firsts or Second Helpings. But she started to wear on me. Its a little like the character in Curtis Sittenfeld's Prep: she holds herself apart from everyone, judging everyone, and playing herself as the victim.

And now what, Megan McCafferty? This is what you're known for. Are you going to create a new character? Write other books?

No longer landlocked by cash crops? No problem?

There was a point in my life in which I'd be at an Elsinore concert once a month or so. It's been ten months since my last one.

Towards the end of the concert, I asked if they were going to play "Timid Maggie Mae" which is one of my favorite songs of theirs.

Their response? "Who are you?"

Fair enough. They claim they haven't played that song in two years, when I know for a fact I heard it at the concert in the park last June. Instead, I get the above song dedicated to me: Landlocked. The song I (among others) dumped into an Elsinore playlist three weeks ago. The song that choked me up on the way to the metro:

"People in the Midwest
Have giant hearts inside their chest
Landlocked by cash crops"

Surrounded by tall buildings and honking cars, I am no longer in the Midwest, no longer landlocked by soybeans or corn. No longer able to go to Elsinore concerts once a month or so.

I am a tiny bit homesick. Going to the concert felt a tiny bit like coming home. Apparently the bar (The Velvet Lounge) smells like Recycled Records in Springfield, IL.

It was a great concert. Too bad it was a Sunday night, and Easter Sunday as well.

The below video is just hilarious. Just fantastic. Kristen, you should watch it.



And, OH MY GOD Ryan Groff (lead singer) looks so young in this:

First Impressions and Second Impressions: Perfect Fifths

It had become a ritual for this week, even though I had been told that all the fiction totes had been gone through and no, no Perfect Fifths. I know to disregard this, so on Thursday, I saw they were listed in our computer. Three copies.

And by Saturday, they were shelved. I pulled one off the shelf for myself.

It is a slight book. Not that the others were big and fat, but they were substantial. This combined with the knowledge that 70-some pages are dialogue and then there is about a thousand senryus, well, there just isn't much story left, is there? Worryingly slight as a book. As a conclusion, its slim.

It sat behind me throughout work. I couldn't bear to read it at work. That isn't what it deserves. Plus, I was still finishing Bliss by Lauren Myracle (plus the downer ending).

I read a few pages on the bus home, and then this morning. I am through the third person portion, and through all the dialogue. Much better than the third and fourth books. Maybe the problem in those was Marcus was too far away? But I am most skeptical of this poetry, mostly because I am invested in prose. I do not write poetry. I am bad at understanding poetry. Why oh why would someone change their writing style for the fifth (and final) installment of a series?

Writers Note: I was originally going to write this post last night, sans the parts that I'd read, because I hadn't read them yet. So this is two posts that had been planned in my head: first impressions in the bookstore, then impressions midway through.

Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built For Two)

I haven't had musician dreams in what feels like years, but on the heels of a Washington DC concert, I've been dreaming about being at Elsinore concerts.

Last night, I dreamt about the Blur song "Daisy Bell", mostly likely because of I Love You, Man. They briefly mention riding in tandem; alas, it doesn't actually happen.

Frak it Friday: Hey, Paul Krugman

I've known about this (via Dan) for awhile now but didn't put it on the blog...but I've referenced it a zillion times in conversation. Its cute and catchy.

Where is Perfect Fifths?

A week away and its not even in the store yet. Bad sign? What if my bookstore doesn't even carry it?

(Usually books arrive the Tuesday before they come out, or exactly one week before.)

Perfect Fifths: I'm still freaked out

I'm subscribed to Megan McCafferty's blog and to lead up to the release of Perfect Fifths, she's been running "10 Things You Need To Know" about it.

I wrote about this ages ago. I loved Sloppy Firsts and Charmed Seconds. Loved it. Read them each at least ten times. Charmed Thirds, however, was mediocre. And until I reread it, I wasn't really sure what Fourth Comings had been about.

The release date draws near. I haven't seen any copies around the store yet. I just want to look at it, to reassure myself. The only way I can think that this will be good is that the two bad books have one thing in common: no Marcus. For some reason, writing Jessica Darling without Marcus (and subsequently reading her) is laborious. So maybe it will actually be good.

But I'm a little scared. Like, 74 pages of CONVERSATION? Fifty-six Senryus??????? None of the other books are written this way. Let's take an example from Twilight series: Meyer changed the way the fourth book was written, and for that and other reasons, the fan base is deeply divided.

Anyway. The waiting continues.

White People Got Problems

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

From here.

Frak it Friday: Picture of the thing I want

This is the first "twilight fan gear" I've succumbed to. Its beautiful live and in person.

Truth Universally Known...

...that once you begin working 55 hours per week, your updates fall behind...

Carpet Cleaning Nightmare

In the retail world, there is no good time to clean the carpet. Whoever decided that stores should have carpets were crazy. Maybe they make customers feel at home. Whatever. They weren't thinking of the reality of the carpet.

A store that does any kind of business has a dirty carpet. Next time you're in a carpeted store, look at it. It is discolored and fraying, and probably has gum on it. The paths to the most popular sections are well worn. Please! Don't sit on it. You don't know who's been walking on it.

Every six months or so, this carpet gets cleaned. The carpet cannot be cleaned during store hours, so if you are a store that has particularly late hours, someone has to stay and wait for the carpet to get all nice and clean for hours after the store closes. I have only been subjected to this once, and I mostly did paperwork while waiting for the guy to finish up.

Our store did not close until midnight. I was there with the carpet cleaner until after 3 a.m. Employment sucks.

The bookstore's carpet just got cleaned Sunday night. The intrepid manager (read: not me) stayed until four in the morning, waiting for the carpet cleaner to be finished. Its a late night business and no one is happy about it. Least of all the manager who mostly works mornings.

Fast forward to his next shift, beginning at three o'clock the next day. Almost as soon as he arrived to the store, he is pulled aside by the security guard.

"I need to show you something," he said, and these are perhaps the most ominous words that can be spoken by a security guard.

The manager is led to the center aisle.

Down the center aisle of the store are puddles.

Brown puddles.

Of shit.

Ten of them.

Leading to the bathroom.

On the newly cleaned carpet.

Apparently a homeless man was in Dupont Circle, and was too drunk to notice that he was shitting down his leg. A friend, taking initiative, helped carry the shitting man into the bathroom of our bookstore.

Please, don't sit on the carpet.

And I'll thank you kindly not to shit on it, either.