Or "Champaign, Illinois." Or whatever they feel like singing! America must be slammed with Rhett Miller's gyrating hips on Saturday Night Live. It must happen.
Part of what has been awesome about the many hits coming into the Champaign, Illinois that I wrote a few months ago has been the many creative spellings of "Champaign" (and a few creative "Illinois" spellings).
Until I saw this:
Yeah. This blows creative spellings of Champaign, Illinois right out of the water. The search words are "according to the old ninetysixers, is champaign ill bad"...
The band is called Old 97's. Really, really close. One number off. I've also never seen anyone spell out "ninety-sevens" before when referring to them. Named after the Johnny Cash song, Wreck of the Old 97.
Anyway...did you know there are people using Bing now? Yeah, me neither.
I mean, what did you expect from a band who had written a song called "Bloomington"? Apparently (according to the guy who ran the record store in downtown Champaign) their record label used to be based in the area and the used to Champaign concerts all the time. You know, before I went to college there and they stopped doing that.
This song is a sped up, rewritten version of Bob Dylan's song, "Desolation Row". Not so desolate. There's gotta be a place between heaven and hell for the people who really weren't bad, but weren't all that great either. I've gotta say the best line is, "There is an argument that there must be some heaven meant for hearts that are half true."
As a person who spent a time in this lesser heaven (purgatory without release to heaven?), Champaign, IL, I'm not sure its all that bad.
Below are lyrics:
The bottom line's been snorted
the bottom card's been dealt
No one knows like you know right now
How truly bad it felt
All your life you wasted, oh
Dreamin' about the day
When worker bees kill off their queen
and carry all her eggs away
Oh, and if you die fearin' God
And painfully employed
No, you will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois
Up north is Chicago
Where booze makes no one blush
Memory comes back to you
In a double bourbon rush
The memories aren't all bad
and neither, my friend, are you
There is an argument that there must be some heaven meant
For hearts that are half true
And if you spend your whole life
rollin' horses into Troy
You will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois
No, you will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois
Roll on blacktop highway
Circles toward the sun
Springfield's in the distance
And that's the last big one
After that comes judgement
And judgement will be swift
You will be eliminated
But here's a parting gift
If you die fearing God
And painfully employed
You will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois
No, you will not go to heaven,
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois
[Video note: while the video above is the most clear, there's another one that features Rhett Miller shaking his hips around like Elvis. As a person who's been five feature from Rhett Miller doing that in person, I totally recommend it. He really gets into it around the 1:50 mark. Or this one starting at the 0:42 mark. Really, all the videos on Youtube of this video are awesome. They sound great live.]
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